Lazy Giant #34: Do we know anything?
Featuring: me trying to talk myself out of a bleak future for Anthony Richardson.
Every year in the NFL, we think we know. It’s preseason, and we’ve got all the storylines and year as a whole sorted out in our pretty little heads – until we all get punched in the mouth.
Except it’s not Mike Tyson doing the punching, it’s the variability of a league where chaos reigns supreme.
The Indianapolis Colts were suspected to be unwatchable and now sit at 3-2 and tied for first in the AFC South. Kansas City is a supposed contender every year with QB Patrick Mahomes at the helm, but their offense isn’t what it used to be so far. Sure, they’re 4-1, but it feels different than other years.
Oh, and running back Jonathan Taylor signed a 3 year/$42M contract extension last week, just as all Colts fans all expected. Somehow that situation between JT and the Colts cooled down faster than anyone expected and a deal was struck. Like I said, we don’t know much.
Ask anyone in Indianapolis, and most would say that Jonathan Taylor is probably gone after this year. Now, he gets a reasonable contract for both sides that should’ve been done months ago. Thank goodness that drama is behind us, because the Colts will need him.
Through Q1 (short for Quarter 1 #financebro), other returns are showing us:
The New England Patriots might be the worst team with a 1-4 record and two straight weeks of 30-plus point losses. 😦 Side note: Does Bill Belichick get fired this offseason? I vote yes.
The Miami Dolphins (when they don’t play the Buffalo Bills) have the most explosive offense in football.
The San Francisco 49ers are Super Bowl bound if they stay healthy. That’s a BIG IF… .looking at you Christian McCaffrey, Deebo Samuel, George Kittle – actually, their whole skill position group.
Daniel Jones as a starting NFL quarterback may not work. At least they didn’t sign him to an extension. Oh wait.
The worst of it all, Anthony Richardson (the chosen one for the Colts) is out for at least four weeks and hasn’t finished three of his first five games. Kinda makes you think of a recent franchise quarterback that had their career derailed by injuries.
It’s early in his career, so I’m nowhere near pressing the panic button, but let’s just say he’s not doing ya boi’s mind any favors. WE NEED YOU, ANTHONY.
Somehow rookie QB Bryce Young of the Carolina Panthers, who’s 5’10 and 190 pounds with soaking wet clothes on, has stayed healthier than Richardson through five games. Did I mention we think we know, but we don’t?
At least Anthony Richardson has looked the part. When he’s on the field he’s a mix of explosive and fun, creating some plays the Colts have needed desperately in years past.
Chaos is part of the fun, but sometimes it just really sucks.
MOTM
It’s been a while since I’ve done movie of the month, so let’s. Inspired by spooky October Halloween vibes.
It’s called “Talk to Me,” a teen horror movie where a group of high schoolers can access spirits through touching an embalmed hand, and of course they can’t get enough of it.
The hand becomes the center of their social gatherings and is horrifying at first for them, but then becomes almost like a fun party trick. The more they use it, the more they want to keep doing it, almost like it’s addictive. The characters even mention it “feels good.”
Well, predictably so, things start to go awry. One of the characters keeps seeing dead people even when she’s not touching the hand. Another goes to the hospital after using the hand.
The movie touches on grief, loss, and single parent family dynamics. Not a fun hang, but a good October hang.
I will say, it felt a little too much like an A24 production formula – probably because I watched this TikTok recently. Sigh. But no matter, it was still a weird, shocking horror movie. Just right for October.
Twitterings
Bijan is kinda good (click to watch).
This is when Joe Burrow was playing bad.
Get after the weekend, everyone 🎉